Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Sunday, December 18, 2011
Is the End Finally in Sight?
This blog's reason for existence may soon be moot, because the Wayner's days with the Mets are apparently numbered. That's according to this New York Post column, which includes the following tidbit:
I'm going to try very hard not to get overly excited about this, since it isn't yet a done deal. But please, Santa, all I want for Christmas is a Wayner-free 2012. Fire Wayne Hagin Already!
It’s doubtful Wayne Hagin will be back for a fifth year as Howie Rose’s partner in the Mets radio booth. Hagin’s contract has expired and WFAN has been interviewing possible replacements.
I'm going to try very hard not to get overly excited about this, since it isn't yet a done deal. But please, Santa, all I want for Christmas is a Wayner-free 2012. Fire Wayne Hagin Already!
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
September 6: Mets vs. Marlins
One of the most annoying habits Wayne's developed lately (or maybe he's had it all along and I only started noticing about two months ago) is the tendency to describe every non-fastball pitch as "little." For example:
• "That's that little cutter he throws."
• "He likes to drop that little curveball in there."
• "He's got that little change-up that really fools people."
• "The scoreboard says it was a cutter, but I think it was that little slider of his."
And so on. He never describes a fastball as little, and thankfully he doesn't describe R.A. Dickey's knuckleball that way either. But any other pitch -- it's little this, little that, always said with an air of mischief, sort of like describing a pitcher as "a crafty lefty." In other words, it's a rhetorical crutch that doesn't really mean anything, especially when Wayne employs it literally dozens of times during a single game.
Anyway, tonight the use of "little" reached new heights, or depths, as the Marlins brought a pitcher named Steve Cishek into the game. Cishek has a sidearm motion, so Wayne was probably going to end up saying something like, "There's that little sidearm motion of his," or "He's got that little submarine pitch." But Wayne was bursting with so much enthusiasm that he couldn't wait that long! As Cishek was warming up, Wayne described him as "a little submariner."
For the record: Steve Cishek is 6'5".
Just another day at the office for MLB's least qualified broadcaster. Fire Wayne Hagin already!
• "That's that little cutter he throws."
• "He likes to drop that little curveball in there."
• "He's got that little change-up that really fools people."
• "The scoreboard says it was a cutter, but I think it was that little slider of his."
And so on. He never describes a fastball as little, and thankfully he doesn't describe R.A. Dickey's knuckleball that way either. But any other pitch -- it's little this, little that, always said with an air of mischief, sort of like describing a pitcher as "a crafty lefty." In other words, it's a rhetorical crutch that doesn't really mean anything, especially when Wayne employs it literally dozens of times during a single game.
Anyway, tonight the use of "little" reached new heights, or depths, as the Marlins brought a pitcher named Steve Cishek into the game. Cishek has a sidearm motion, so Wayne was probably going to end up saying something like, "There's that little sidearm motion of his," or "He's got that little submarine pitch." But Wayne was bursting with so much enthusiasm that he couldn't wait that long! As Cishek was warming up, Wayne described him as "a little submariner."
For the record: Steve Cishek is 6'5".
Just another day at the office for MLB's least qualified broadcaster. Fire Wayne Hagin already!
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
September 5: Mets vs. Marlins
The Mets, like most teams, have several short, sponsored segments during the lead-up to the start of the game, one of which is "Tonight's Pitching Match-up." It's basically an excuse to run another commercial, and it should be the easiest part of any broadcaster's job. You've known for days who the starting pitchers will be, and you've been at the ballpark for several hours, so you've had plenty of time to prepare. "Tonight's Pitching Match-up" should be something you've scripted beforehand -- either on paper or at least in your head -- so you sound smart and smooth when you deliver it.
And then there's Wayne.
Chris Capuano was making the start for the Mets on Monday night, and here's how Wayne set the stage for us:
Read that out loud. Go on -- hear just how bad it really is.
Wayne's basic point here wasn't bad -- a pitcher facing the same team for the fifth time in ten starts is definitely unusual (it was no doubt in the game notes distributed to all the media before the game), and it probably does put the pitcher at a competitive disadvantage. But he garbled the point so badly that the casual listener might think that (a) this was a very important start for Capuano (there are no important starts for journeymen pitchers on also-ran teams in September) or (b) Capuano's familiarity with the Marlins' hitters would offset their familiarity with him (unlikely, and definitely not the point he meant to make).
The thing is, anyone can garble a point in the middle of a game, while live action is taking place. But it takes a very special talent to mess up something like "Tonight's Pitching Match-up" -- a segment that any junior high intern could have prepared for and delivered more effectively than Wayne did.
In a nation full of unemployed people, surely there's someone -- or many thousands of someones -- who could do this guy's job better than he does it. Fire Wayne Hagin already!
And then there's Wayne.
Chris Capuano was making the start for the Mets on Monday night, and here's how Wayne set the stage for us:
Capuano has one of the most [confused pause] important and maybe roughest, uh, assignments you can think of for a pitcher. He is making his 10th start over the last five, including tonight, five of the ten, exactly half of those, are against the Florida Marlins. So both sides know [long pause] he knows what they like, and they know what he pitches.
Read that out loud. Go on -- hear just how bad it really is.
Wayne's basic point here wasn't bad -- a pitcher facing the same team for the fifth time in ten starts is definitely unusual (it was no doubt in the game notes distributed to all the media before the game), and it probably does put the pitcher at a competitive disadvantage. But he garbled the point so badly that the casual listener might think that (a) this was a very important start for Capuano (there are no important starts for journeymen pitchers on also-ran teams in September) or (b) Capuano's familiarity with the Marlins' hitters would offset their familiarity with him (unlikely, and definitely not the point he meant to make).
The thing is, anyone can garble a point in the middle of a game, while live action is taking place. But it takes a very special talent to mess up something like "Tonight's Pitching Match-up" -- a segment that any junior high intern could have prepared for and delivered more effectively than Wayne did.
In a nation full of unemployed people, surely there's someone -- or many thousands of someones -- who could do this guy's job better than he does it. Fire Wayne Hagin already!
Sunday, September 4, 2011
September 3: Mets vs. Nationals
I only caught a teeny bit of this game, but it included the bottom of the 6th, when Danny Herrera came in to pitch. As Wayne noted (accurately!), this was Herrera's second appearance for the Mets. He had recorded the final out of the previous night's game.
Herrera entered with two men on base and started things off by throwing a pitch to Ivan Rodriguez. Wayne reported that it was a curveball, noted the pitch speed, and then added, "He's not going to overpower you." Of course, no pitcher has ever "overpowered" anyone with a curveball -- it's not a power pitch.
On the next pitch, Rodriguez bounced into an inning-ending double play, which prompted the following Wayne's Whopper™:
Now, recording three outs in two-thirds of an inning would be a pretty neat trick (although not quite as neat as having an imbecile broadcasting the games of an MLB team in the nation's biggest media market). Two-thirds of an inning means, by definition, that you have recorded two outs. What Wayne probably meant is that Herrera has recorded three outs while facing only two batters. But as is so often the case, his brain wrote a check that his mouth couldn't cash. Like I've been saying all along, this is minor league stuff. It wouldn't fly in Kansas City, much less New York.
Then there's the notion that Herrera had recorded the double play "on just one pitch." This is after Wayne had specifically gone out of his way to note the speed of the previous pitch. But as usual, facts mean little to the Wayner.
Does anyone know when this guy's contract is up? Fire Wayne Hagin already!
Herrera entered with two men on base and started things off by throwing a pitch to Ivan Rodriguez. Wayne reported that it was a curveball, noted the pitch speed, and then added, "He's not going to overpower you." Of course, no pitcher has ever "overpowered" anyone with a curveball -- it's not a power pitch.
On the next pitch, Rodriguez bounced into an inning-ending double play, which prompted the following Wayne's Whopper™:
Boy, Herrera has been great in his two outings so far for the Mets. He has three outs in just two-thirds of an inning. Tonight he gets a double play on just one pitch!
Now, recording three outs in two-thirds of an inning would be a pretty neat trick (although not quite as neat as having an imbecile broadcasting the games of an MLB team in the nation's biggest media market). Two-thirds of an inning means, by definition, that you have recorded two outs. What Wayne probably meant is that Herrera has recorded three outs while facing only two batters. But as is so often the case, his brain wrote a check that his mouth couldn't cash. Like I've been saying all along, this is minor league stuff. It wouldn't fly in Kansas City, much less New York.
Then there's the notion that Herrera had recorded the double play "on just one pitch." This is after Wayne had specifically gone out of his way to note the speed of the previous pitch. But as usual, facts mean little to the Wayner.
Does anyone know when this guy's contract is up? Fire Wayne Hagin already!
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
August 10: Mets vs. Padres
Must … not … waste … so much time … on … Wayne … Ah, it's no use. Wayne is so consistently awful, and keeps finding so many new ways to top himself, that there's simply no way to avoid writing about him. It's like trying not to look at a car crash. Even if you put blinders on, you still end up rubbernecking.
He came up with a certified Wayne's Whopper™ in the bottom of the 2nd of Wednesday night's Mets/Pads game. Howie Rose was running down the scores of other games and mentioned that Dan Uggla had already singled in his first at-bat, extending his hitting streak to 31 games. That prompted following comment from Wayne:
"Wherever he is, maybe Luis Castillo's starting to get a little nervous, because he has the club record for the Marlins, at 35 in a row."
Now, that's not a bad line, especially since any mention of Castillo is bound to get a rise out of Mets fans. Plus it shows the Wayner was doing his homework. He must have looked up the Marlins' franchise-record hitting streak before the game and had the Castillo quip ready. Good job!
Just one problem: Dan Uggla doesn't play for the Marlins anymore. He was traded to Atlanta last November and has been racking up that hitting streak for the Braves.
Somebody must have whispered something about this in Wayne's ear, because a minute later he tried to save face, thusly: "I make that reference to Uggla and Castillo simply because they're probably the two most prominent -- you know, Marlins second basemen. Of course, Uggla's doing that with Atlanta, but you get the drift."
The drift, of course, is that Wayne put both feet in his massive mouth yet again. By now he must be very accustomed to the taste of his own shoe leather.
Incidentally, the Braves' franchise hitting streak record is held by Tommy Holmes, at 37 games. The reason I know that is that Howie Rose -- who sits right next to Wayne -- has mentioned it several times during Uggla's streak.
Poor Howie. His head must be about ready to explode. Mine sure is. Fire Wayne Hagin already!
He came up with a certified Wayne's Whopper™ in the bottom of the 2nd of Wednesday night's Mets/Pads game. Howie Rose was running down the scores of other games and mentioned that Dan Uggla had already singled in his first at-bat, extending his hitting streak to 31 games. That prompted following comment from Wayne:
"Wherever he is, maybe Luis Castillo's starting to get a little nervous, because he has the club record for the Marlins, at 35 in a row."
Now, that's not a bad line, especially since any mention of Castillo is bound to get a rise out of Mets fans. Plus it shows the Wayner was doing his homework. He must have looked up the Marlins' franchise-record hitting streak before the game and had the Castillo quip ready. Good job!
Just one problem: Dan Uggla doesn't play for the Marlins anymore. He was traded to Atlanta last November and has been racking up that hitting streak for the Braves.
Somebody must have whispered something about this in Wayne's ear, because a minute later he tried to save face, thusly: "I make that reference to Uggla and Castillo simply because they're probably the two most prominent -- you know, Marlins second basemen. Of course, Uggla's doing that with Atlanta, but you get the drift."
The drift, of course, is that Wayne put both feet in his massive mouth yet again. By now he must be very accustomed to the taste of his own shoe leather.
Incidentally, the Braves' franchise hitting streak record is held by Tommy Holmes, at 37 games. The reason I know that is that Howie Rose -- who sits right next to Wayne -- has mentioned it several times during Uggla's streak.
Poor Howie. His head must be about ready to explode. Mine sure is. Fire Wayne Hagin already!
Monday, July 25, 2011
July 25, Mets vs. Reds
Among all of Wayne's many, many annoying tropes, the oddest one is his completely massive (and completely obvious) man-crush on Reds third baseman Scott Rolen. It doesn't matter if Rolen is playing in the game that Wayne's announcing, or even if he's in the same time zone. Some random player hits a home run and Wayne will say, "You know who really knows how to do a home run trot the right way? Scott Rolen." Someone is forced out at second and Wayne will say, "You know who really knows how to break up that double play? Scott Rolen." Someone picks his nose and Wayne will say, "You know who would never disrespect the game like that? Scott Rolen." It gets to the point where you wish Wayne would just make out with the guy at second base and be done with it.
The Mets are in Cincy tonight, but Rolen is on the DL, so I figured we might get a break from all the Rolen love. Shows what I know. During the top of the 3rd, Howie Rose mentioned that Rolen was injured, which sent Wayne off on this stemwinder about how Rolen has had so many shoulder problems that he (meaning Rolen, but probably Wayne too) is worried that it might mean the end of his career. The key quote was a certifiable Wayne's Whopper™: "He's had those shoulder problems forever, in his heart and soul."
No, you moron, he's had them IN HIS SHOULDER.
And to think I was doing such a good job of staying away from this blog this season. Fire Wayne Hagin already!
The Mets are in Cincy tonight, but Rolen is on the DL, so I figured we might get a break from all the Rolen love. Shows what I know. During the top of the 3rd, Howie Rose mentioned that Rolen was injured, which sent Wayne off on this stemwinder about how Rolen has had so many shoulder problems that he (meaning Rolen, but probably Wayne too) is worried that it might mean the end of his career. The key quote was a certifiable Wayne's Whopper™: "He's had those shoulder problems forever, in his heart and soul."
No, you moron, he's had them IN HIS SHOULDER.
And to think I was doing such a good job of staying away from this blog this season. Fire Wayne Hagin already!
Thursday, April 14, 2011
April 14: Mets vs. Rockies, 1st Game
Great Wayner moment a few minutes ago in the top of the 6th: A fly ball sails over Scott Hairston's head and Wayne says, "What you almost just saw there was [long pause, as he searches for the right term] an optical illusion."
In other words, what you DID just see was, uh, reality.
Except you didn't actually see any of it, because you're listening to the radio.
Fire Wayne Hagin already!
In other words, what you DID just see was, uh, reality.
Except you didn't actually see any of it, because you're listening to the radio.
Fire Wayne Hagin already!
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
April 11, Mets vs. Rockies
Long time no see.
Honestly, I wasn't planning on firing up this blog again, not even after the Wayner opened his first 2011 spring training broadcast by saying the Mets had just had "a tremendous off-season." I figured I had made my point last year and was just gonna let Wayne be his incompetent self without drawing any further attention to his many, many faults.
But just when I thought I was out, Wayne pulls me back in. Such was the case last night.
The scene: Bottom of the 7th, Josh Thole batting. He grounds out to Troy Tulowitzki, who guns him out with a strong overhand throw. That prompts Wayne to give us the following analysis:
Now, I'm not the biggest Mets fan on the entire planet, but I follow the team pretty closely and am reasonably knowledgeable about the players, and I can tell you I have no memory of the Mets tinkering with Jose Reyes's throwing motion, or of Reyes ever having come down with an arm injury.
The Mets did once try to alter Reyes's running style, tinkering with his stride, because he was having ankle and hamstring problems, but the new style ended up giving him leg cramps, so they eventually let him go back to his usual running style. And they did once try to make him a second baseman, which was a fiasco. But a change in his throwing motion, with a resultant shoulder injury? That was news to me.
But hey, maybe I was just having brain-lock, right? So I started googling, trying to find any evidence of this throwing episode. Nothing. Then I checked with a bunch of serious Mets fans and bloggers to get their take -- none of them had ever heard of this supposed shoulder injury.
Finally, I checked with someone who I won't embarrass by naming him here, but let's just say he's one of the top living authorities on Mets history and goings-on. His response: "My recollection is exactly the same as yours."
So did Wayne just make this up? Maybe, although I think it's more likely that he's confusing the altered running style and the leg cramps with an altered throwing motion that was never taught and an injury that never happened.
Hey, arms, legs -- they're all limbs, right? What's the diff?
And so let the full-throated call echo once more throughout the land: Fire Wayne Hagin already!
Honestly, I wasn't planning on firing up this blog again, not even after the Wayner opened his first 2011 spring training broadcast by saying the Mets had just had "a tremendous off-season." I figured I had made my point last year and was just gonna let Wayne be his incompetent self without drawing any further attention to his many, many faults.
But just when I thought I was out, Wayne pulls me back in. Such was the case last night.
The scene: Bottom of the 7th, Josh Thole batting. He grounds out to Troy Tulowitzki, who guns him out with a strong overhand throw. That prompts Wayne to give us the following analysis:
That's the difference between a Jose Reyes and a Troy Tulowitzki -- Tulowitzki comes right over the top. Now, the Mets very early in Jose Reyes's career tried to alter his throwing style, because he's such a natural, coming from the Dominican Republic, and that's how he learned, is to throw kinda three-quarter, almost sidearm at times. And, quite frankly [pregnant pause], he hurt his arm. His shoulder. And the Mets said, "Just do it any way you want." And that's what Reyes does.
Now, I'm not the biggest Mets fan on the entire planet, but I follow the team pretty closely and am reasonably knowledgeable about the players, and I can tell you I have no memory of the Mets tinkering with Jose Reyes's throwing motion, or of Reyes ever having come down with an arm injury.
The Mets did once try to alter Reyes's running style, tinkering with his stride, because he was having ankle and hamstring problems, but the new style ended up giving him leg cramps, so they eventually let him go back to his usual running style. And they did once try to make him a second baseman, which was a fiasco. But a change in his throwing motion, with a resultant shoulder injury? That was news to me.
But hey, maybe I was just having brain-lock, right? So I started googling, trying to find any evidence of this throwing episode. Nothing. Then I checked with a bunch of serious Mets fans and bloggers to get their take -- none of them had ever heard of this supposed shoulder injury.
Finally, I checked with someone who I won't embarrass by naming him here, but let's just say he's one of the top living authorities on Mets history and goings-on. His response: "My recollection is exactly the same as yours."
So did Wayne just make this up? Maybe, although I think it's more likely that he's confusing the altered running style and the leg cramps with an altered throwing motion that was never taught and an injury that never happened.
Hey, arms, legs -- they're all limbs, right? What's the diff?
And so let the full-throated call echo once more throughout the land: Fire Wayne Hagin already!
Friday, August 20, 2010
August 20th: Mets vs. Pirates
Hagin has said many, many inane things in this game, but he just let loose with a certified Wayne's Whopper™ during the top of the 4th: After a brief mention of A.J. Burnett, he said (with his usual air of faux-gravitas), "And when the Yankees signed Burnett, that's about the same time the Mets signed R.A. Dickey."
The point he was making, of course -- although he didn't actually get around to explaining it -- is that Dickey, who has a very low salary, has arguably been a better pitcher this season than Burnett, who has a very high salary. It's a little bit of an apples/oranges thing, because Dickey didn't join the Mets' big league roster until May 19, but the basic point is clear enough: Sometimes a low-paid, unknown pitcher can be better than a high-priced, flashy pitcher.
Just one problem:
• Date that Burnett signed with the Yanks: Dec. 18, 2008.
• Date that Dickey signed with the Mets: Jan 5, 2010.
Well, he was only off by a whole year -- not bad by Wayner standards. Fire Wayne Hagin already!
The point he was making, of course -- although he didn't actually get around to explaining it -- is that Dickey, who has a very low salary, has arguably been a better pitcher this season than Burnett, who has a very high salary. It's a little bit of an apples/oranges thing, because Dickey didn't join the Mets' big league roster until May 19, but the basic point is clear enough: Sometimes a low-paid, unknown pitcher can be better than a high-priced, flashy pitcher.
Just one problem:
• Date that Burnett signed with the Yanks: Dec. 18, 2008.
• Date that Dickey signed with the Mets: Jan 5, 2010.
Well, he was only off by a whole year -- not bad by Wayner standards. Fire Wayne Hagin already!
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
August 17th: Mets vs. Astros
Sorry for the lengthy silence, but I've been out of Wayne-range lately. Did manage to catch a snippet of tonight's game, though, which was enough for some primo Haginicity. It happened when Johan Santana struck out Brett Wallace on a changeup, prompting the Wayner to breathlessly exclaim, "That's the best changeup he's thrown all night!"
Sounds straightforward enough -- until you realize this was taking place in the 1st inning.
Pathetic, as usual. Fire Wayne Hagin already!
Sounds straightforward enough -- until you realize this was taking place in the 1st inning.
Pathetic, as usual. Fire Wayne Hagin already!
Thursday, August 12, 2010
August 11th: Rockies vs. Mets
So I'm out on my bike last night, listening to the game on my bike radio (yes, I have a bike radio). With one out in the top of the 2nd, Howie Rose says, "Phil Cuzzi, the home plate ump, has a rather thimble-sized strike zone early on in this game." To which Hagin replies, "A lot different than Ed Rapuano last night." Simple enough -- no problem there.
Now skip ahead to the bottom of the 2nd, one out, Luis Castillo up. It's a half-inning and about 10 minutes later. Here's the sequence that almost made me crash my bike:
So you can see what happened here. The Wayner was still referring to the previous night's game, even though he didn't say so. And he was still referring to Rapuano, even though he didn't mention him by name. Instead he just referred to him as "he," and chalked it up to a "case in point." But when 10 minutes have gone by, that's NOT a case in point -- it's a total fucking non-sequitur.
This guy is such a waste of space. The team is a laughingstock, the season is in shambles, and on top of it all I have to listen to Amateur Hour on the radio every goddamn game. Couldn't the guy at least have the courtesy to come down with laryngitis or something? Fire Wayne Hagin already!
Now skip ahead to the bottom of the 2nd, one out, Luis Castillo up. It's a half-inning and about 10 minutes later. Here's the sequence that almost made me crash my bike:
Rose: Pitch is taken inside. [Chuckles.] Phil Cuzzi's not giving these starting pitchers any help at all, is he?
Hagin: No. Not one bit. And it's gonna be an offensive-minded game if it continues.
Rose: 2-1 pitch -- fastball, high.
Hagin: Case in point was the Brad Hawpe last at-bat of the game. Remember the 3-1 pitch, a big curveball? And he called it a strike.
So you can see what happened here. The Wayner was still referring to the previous night's game, even though he didn't say so. And he was still referring to Rapuano, even though he didn't mention him by name. Instead he just referred to him as "he," and chalked it up to a "case in point." But when 10 minutes have gone by, that's NOT a case in point -- it's a total fucking non-sequitur.
This guy is such a waste of space. The team is a laughingstock, the season is in shambles, and on top of it all I have to listen to Amateur Hour on the radio every goddamn game. Couldn't the guy at least have the courtesy to come down with laryngitis or something? Fire Wayne Hagin already!
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
August 10th: Rockies vs. Mets
Even when I don't listen to him -- even when I can't listen to him -- Wayne haunts me. It happened at last night's Mets/Rockies game, which I attended along with Phil Hecken and Dan Cichalski.
First let's set the scene: One of the many little gimmicks at the ballpark is this promotion where they slowly reveal a name or phrase on the jumbotron one letter at a time, Wheel of Fortune-style. The first person who can figure out the answer and text it to some predetermined number wins, I dunno, a roll of Mets toilet paper or something.
So last night's secret name/phrase was two words, both five letters long. As they began revealing the letters, it quickly looked like this:
W _ _ _ _
H _ _ _ N
"Wayne Hagin!" yelled Dan. And sure enough, that turned out to be the answer. We all laughed for a second and then, realizing that the moment needed to be documented for posterity, began fumbling for our cameras. Alas, the scoreboard changed to something else before any of us could snap a photo.
I'm not sure who runs that texting promotion, but just in case that person is reading this, here's an idea for a phrase to use at tonight's game:
_ _ R _
W _ _ _ _
H _ _ _ N
_ L _ _ _ D _ !
Hell, why not use it for every remaining game this season? Fire Wayne Hagin already!
First let's set the scene: One of the many little gimmicks at the ballpark is this promotion where they slowly reveal a name or phrase on the jumbotron one letter at a time, Wheel of Fortune-style. The first person who can figure out the answer and text it to some predetermined number wins, I dunno, a roll of Mets toilet paper or something.
So last night's secret name/phrase was two words, both five letters long. As they began revealing the letters, it quickly looked like this:
W _ _ _ _
H _ _ _ N
"Wayne Hagin!" yelled Dan. And sure enough, that turned out to be the answer. We all laughed for a second and then, realizing that the moment needed to be documented for posterity, began fumbling for our cameras. Alas, the scoreboard changed to something else before any of us could snap a photo.
I'm not sure who runs that texting promotion, but just in case that person is reading this, here's an idea for a phrase to use at tonight's game:
_ _ R _
W _ _ _ _
H _ _ _ N
_ L _ _ _ D _ !
Hell, why not use it for every remaining game this season? Fire Wayne Hagin already!
Monday, August 9, 2010
August 9th: A Picture's Worth 1000 Words (or maybe 30,000 of Wayner's)
"I blame YOU for sucking away whatever little joy was left in Mets broadcasts," says Phil Hecken, who produced the (fictional, alas) images you see above. "Now I'm constantly focusing on how awful Hagin is. I always thought he sucked, but I never realized HOW MUCH he did until you pointed it out." Welcome to my world, Phil.
Phil also reports that Wayne had a choice tidbit during Sunday's Mets/Phils game. "They were talking about how the Rays, who'd already been no-hit twice this year, were having another no-no tossed at them. And out of nowhwere, Wayne says, 'If the Rays get no-hit today, they're going to have to go back to being called the Devil Rays.' No explanation as to WHY they might have to do that. Howie didn't touch it."
In Wayne's world, being no-hit = bad, and the devil = bad, so those two things are, y'know, synonymous. Hey, it's self-explanatory!
In the words of Bugs Bunny, what a maroon. Fire Wayne Hagin already!
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
August 4th: Video Killed the Radio Star Wayner
The bad news is that I was out eating crabs at Clemente's tonight, so I missed the entire Mets/Braves game and have no new Wayne-isms to report.
The good news is that I have something better: an old commercial featuring the Wayner! It shows him endorsing some sort of personal putting green product. Not sure of the exact date, but the clip identifies him as the "Voice of the St. Louis Cardinals," which means it's from somewhere in the 2003-2005 range. Can Wayne make as many mistakes in a commercial as he does when broadcasting a game? Let's see:
Not bad. I love how he says, "What it has done, probably more for me than anybody else…" In other words, he's saying the product works great for him, but your mileage may vary. Great sales pitch, Wayner!
Even better: After spending half a minute extolling the product's virtues, he misses the putt at the end of the clip. Kinda sums up Wayne's on-air persona in a nuthsell, am I right?
That video led me to another YouTube clip, this one an amusingly low-grade segment humbly entitled "The Amazin' Mets-terpiece Theatre VLOG-tacular." To get to the Wayner-related content, skip ahead to the 3:25 mark:
Succinct, no? And let's give credit where it's due: This guy was beating the anti-Hagin drum more than a year ago, while I was too lazy to set up this blog until last month, even though I've been doing a slow Hagin burn since about May of ’08. That's really my only regret regarding this whole project -- that I didn't start it sooner. But better late than never. Fire Wayne Hagin already!
(Special thanks to Jordan Guthmann for bringing the putting video to my attention.)
The good news is that I have something better: an old commercial featuring the Wayner! It shows him endorsing some sort of personal putting green product. Not sure of the exact date, but the clip identifies him as the "Voice of the St. Louis Cardinals," which means it's from somewhere in the 2003-2005 range. Can Wayne make as many mistakes in a commercial as he does when broadcasting a game? Let's see:
Not bad. I love how he says, "What it has done, probably more for me than anybody else…" In other words, he's saying the product works great for him, but your mileage may vary. Great sales pitch, Wayner!
Even better: After spending half a minute extolling the product's virtues, he misses the putt at the end of the clip. Kinda sums up Wayne's on-air persona in a nuthsell, am I right?
That video led me to another YouTube clip, this one an amusingly low-grade segment humbly entitled "The Amazin' Mets-terpiece Theatre VLOG-tacular." To get to the Wayner-related content, skip ahead to the 3:25 mark:
Succinct, no? And let's give credit where it's due: This guy was beating the anti-Hagin drum more than a year ago, while I was too lazy to set up this blog until last month, even though I've been doing a slow Hagin burn since about May of ’08. That's really my only regret regarding this whole project -- that I didn't start it sooner. But better late than never. Fire Wayne Hagin already!
(Special thanks to Jordan Guthmann for bringing the putting video to my attention.)
Monday, August 2, 2010
August 2nd: Mets vs. Braves
Even a blind squirrel occasionally stumbles across a nut; even a stopped clock is right twice a day; even K-Rod sometimes has a clean 1-2-3 inning. So the law of averages tells us that the Wayner will eventually have a gaffe-free game.
This was not that game.
Once again, I only had time to catch a small portion of the game (about an inning and a half in this case). And once again, that was plenty of time for Hagin to make a fool of himself. It happened after Jose Reyes led off the top of the 5th with a single. With Angel Pagan batting, Wayne put on his best more-self-righteous-than-thou voice and addressed his broadcasting partner Howie Rose thusly:
"I know you love pure baseball, and I think you'll be [pause] as, uh, disinterested and not happy by what I just saw at first base."
He then went on to critique a rather unprofessional shared hand gesture between Reyes and first base coach Razor Shines. Hagin's point here was well taken -- or it would have been, if he hadn't already undermined it by saying Rose would be "disinterested" in the proceedings. Earth to Wayner: "disinterested" means NOT INTERESTED.
I suspect Wayne was trying to invoke the word "disdain." But as usual, his mouth and his brain weren't operating on the same frequency. The pause and the "uh" indicate that he realized he'd once again blundered his way down a verbal dead end, but by then it was too late. And as is so often the case, the mistake was magnified by Hagin's emphatically righteous tone, which just made his misstatement all the more glaring.
I'm getting tired of saying this, but it bears repeating: This is minor league stuff, one-horse town stuff, the kind of stuff no alleged professional should be doing at the big league level. This is, yet again, a guy who's long on mouth and short on talent, a guy with a heavyweight assignment and a lightweight skill set, a guy who's horribly overmatched by his job on a daily basis.
It's tough enough to see this season go down the tubes without having to listen to this nonsense. Fire Wayne Hagin already!
This was not that game.
Once again, I only had time to catch a small portion of the game (about an inning and a half in this case). And once again, that was plenty of time for Hagin to make a fool of himself. It happened after Jose Reyes led off the top of the 5th with a single. With Angel Pagan batting, Wayne put on his best more-self-righteous-than-thou voice and addressed his broadcasting partner Howie Rose thusly:
"I know you love pure baseball, and I think you'll be [pause] as, uh, disinterested and not happy by what I just saw at first base."
He then went on to critique a rather unprofessional shared hand gesture between Reyes and first base coach Razor Shines. Hagin's point here was well taken -- or it would have been, if he hadn't already undermined it by saying Rose would be "disinterested" in the proceedings. Earth to Wayner: "disinterested" means NOT INTERESTED.
I suspect Wayne was trying to invoke the word "disdain." But as usual, his mouth and his brain weren't operating on the same frequency. The pause and the "uh" indicate that he realized he'd once again blundered his way down a verbal dead end, but by then it was too late. And as is so often the case, the mistake was magnified by Hagin's emphatically righteous tone, which just made his misstatement all the more glaring.
I'm getting tired of saying this, but it bears repeating: This is minor league stuff, one-horse town stuff, the kind of stuff no alleged professional should be doing at the big league level. This is, yet again, a guy who's long on mouth and short on talent, a guy with a heavyweight assignment and a lightweight skill set, a guy who's horribly overmatched by his job on a daily basis.
It's tough enough to see this season go down the tubes without having to listen to this nonsense. Fire Wayne Hagin already!
August 2nd: By Popular Demand
Several readers have insisted that I mention one of Wayne's most consistent tropes. If you listen to the Mets on the radio, you know one of their sponsors is a health insurance company that promises to manage "all your health care needs under one roof." But when Wayne reads their ad, he always pronounces "roof" as "ruff." Always. ALWAYS.
Now, I know there are parts of the country where "roof" is pronounced as "ruff." And I don't want to pick on someone just because of his regional dialect or accent. That's why I haven't mentioned this particular Wayne-ism until now (although I'll confess to having gone out of my mind when the Mets were in Arizona and Wayne kept talking about how "the Diamondbacks have the retractable ruff shut tonight").
Okay, so now I've mentioned it, but I still wouldn't want an entire entry to be devoted to this. So I'll include something from Sunday's game that I forgot to mention in yesterday's post: During the top of the 4th, when an Arizona player hit a foul ball in back of first base, Wayne said, "Ike Davis, angling back on an angle..."
Yes, he really did say that. Fire Wayne Hagin already!
Now, I know there are parts of the country where "roof" is pronounced as "ruff." And I don't want to pick on someone just because of his regional dialect or accent. That's why I haven't mentioned this particular Wayne-ism until now (although I'll confess to having gone out of my mind when the Mets were in Arizona and Wayne kept talking about how "the Diamondbacks have the retractable ruff shut tonight").
Okay, so now I've mentioned it, but I still wouldn't want an entire entry to be devoted to this. So I'll include something from Sunday's game that I forgot to mention in yesterday's post: During the top of the 4th, when an Arizona player hit a foul ball in back of first base, Wayne said, "Ike Davis, angling back on an angle..."
Yes, he really did say that. Fire Wayne Hagin already!
Sunday, August 1, 2010
August 1st: Diamondbacks vs. Mets
Thankfully, I only caught a small portion of today's game, a 14-1 drubbing at the hands of the D-backs. But I heard the entire 3rd inning in my car, and that was enough time for Wayne to have me screaming at my car radio. Here are his latest lowlights:
• Top of the 3rd, 0 out, Stephen Drew batting: "Swing and a fly ball hit down the left field line, and right there is Jesus Feliciano. Drifts over into foul ground [crowd cheers] and makes the catch! That ball tailing just ever so slightly away from him. He was already positioned almost on the line for Stephen Drew, and as that ball continued to carry on him, he reached into it and [slight pause] powdered his right shoulder right into that padded wall as he made the catch. Very good play by Jesus Feliciano."
Note how this began as a routine play -- Feliciano was "right there," a proverbial can o' corn. Then Feliciano was "drift[ing]" a bit, and then somehow the play morphed into a circus catch, as Feliciano "powdered" his shoulder into the wall. Nice job, Wayner. Just how does one "powder" one's shoulder, by the way?
• Top of the 3rd, after Daniel Hudson grounds out to end the inning: "Great pitching by Niese. Also great pitching [very slight pause] and defense behind him."
Yup, that pitcher sure had some great pitching behind him. The great thing here is the tiny pause, indicating that Wayne realized the mistake as he made it, with his inner Homer Simpson no doubt emitting a loud, "D'oh!" Bet that guy gets paid a lot of overtime.
• Bottom of the 3rd, Jon Niese batting, 3-2 count: "Swing and a miss, as Niese went after a pitch shoulder-high, and that is the second strikeout of the game for Daniel Hudson. Tell you what: David Wright and now Jon Niese have both struck out on high pitches. It must look very inviting, but that ball exploding on them."
Oh, Wayner. You just said yourself that it was only Hudson's second strikeout of the game. If he really had such an inviting put-away pitch, wouldn't he have notched more than two Ks during his first time through the order? Secondly, Wright's strikeout was two innings prior to Niese's -- those are pretty distant dots to connect. And most importantly, Jon Niese is a pitcher -- he can't hit for shit! How can you make any inferences regarding a pitcher's stuff based on how the opposing pitcher fares against him?!
And you thought Ollie Perez was the one stealing money from the Wilpons. Nuh-uh -- it's Wayner. Fire Wayne Hagin already!
• Top of the 3rd, 0 out, Stephen Drew batting: "Swing and a fly ball hit down the left field line, and right there is Jesus Feliciano. Drifts over into foul ground [crowd cheers] and makes the catch! That ball tailing just ever so slightly away from him. He was already positioned almost on the line for Stephen Drew, and as that ball continued to carry on him, he reached into it and [slight pause] powdered his right shoulder right into that padded wall as he made the catch. Very good play by Jesus Feliciano."
Note how this began as a routine play -- Feliciano was "right there," a proverbial can o' corn. Then Feliciano was "drift[ing]" a bit, and then somehow the play morphed into a circus catch, as Feliciano "powdered" his shoulder into the wall. Nice job, Wayner. Just how does one "powder" one's shoulder, by the way?
• Top of the 3rd, after Daniel Hudson grounds out to end the inning: "Great pitching by Niese. Also great pitching [very slight pause] and defense behind him."
Yup, that pitcher sure had some great pitching behind him. The great thing here is the tiny pause, indicating that Wayne realized the mistake as he made it, with his inner Homer Simpson no doubt emitting a loud, "D'oh!" Bet that guy gets paid a lot of overtime.
• Bottom of the 3rd, Jon Niese batting, 3-2 count: "Swing and a miss, as Niese went after a pitch shoulder-high, and that is the second strikeout of the game for Daniel Hudson. Tell you what: David Wright and now Jon Niese have both struck out on high pitches. It must look very inviting, but that ball exploding on them."
Oh, Wayner. You just said yourself that it was only Hudson's second strikeout of the game. If he really had such an inviting put-away pitch, wouldn't he have notched more than two Ks during his first time through the order? Secondly, Wright's strikeout was two innings prior to Niese's -- those are pretty distant dots to connect. And most importantly, Jon Niese is a pitcher -- he can't hit for shit! How can you make any inferences regarding a pitcher's stuff based on how the opposing pitcher fares against him?!
And you thought Ollie Perez was the one stealing money from the Wilpons. Nuh-uh -- it's Wayner. Fire Wayne Hagin already!
July 31st: Diamondbacks vs. Mets
I didn't catch this game (was watching Sonic Youth whilst surrounded by approximately 18 jillion very enthusiastic young people), but Adam Friedman did. His report:
Nice one. Fire Wayne Hagin already!
Professor Hagin was discussing how impatient hitters like Chris Carter are trying to learn not to swing early in the count. And he says, "It's a fine line between being aggressive and really waiting for your pitch." No, dumb-ass, it's not a fine line at all. They are diametrical opposites.
Nice one. Fire Wayne Hagin already!
Saturday, July 31, 2010
July 30th: Diamondbacks vs. Mets -- one more
Scroll down to the previous entry to see how Wayne hit the ground running in this game. My other favorite moment came when Chris Young led off the top of the 4th with a double, prompting Wayne give us the following:
"That Chris Young is a hard guy to get out right now, as he has now batted for the third time tonight, and he's on twice."
You have to have heard this to appreciate how much emphasis Wayne put on those italicized terms, and to understand how remarkable he made it sound. Yes, Wayner, it's very, very remarkable that Chris Young was -- drumroll, please -- 2-for-3.
What a clown. Fire Wayne Hagin already!
"That Chris Young is a hard guy to get out right now, as he has now batted for the third time tonight, and he's on twice."
You have to have heard this to appreciate how much emphasis Wayne put on those italicized terms, and to understand how remarkable he made it sound. Yes, Wayner, it's very, very remarkable that Chris Young was -- drumroll, please -- 2-for-3.
What a clown. Fire Wayne Hagin already!
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