Great Wayner moment a few minutes ago in the top of the 6th: A fly ball sails over Scott Hairston's head and Wayne says, "What you almost just saw there was [long pause, as he searches for the right term] an optical illusion."
In other words, what you DID just see was, uh, reality.
Except you didn't actually see any of it, because you're listening to the radio.
Fire Wayne Hagin already!
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
April 11, Mets vs. Rockies
Long time no see.
Honestly, I wasn't planning on firing up this blog again, not even after the Wayner opened his first 2011 spring training broadcast by saying the Mets had just had "a tremendous off-season." I figured I had made my point last year and was just gonna let Wayne be his incompetent self without drawing any further attention to his many, many faults.
But just when I thought I was out, Wayne pulls me back in. Such was the case last night.
The scene: Bottom of the 7th, Josh Thole batting. He grounds out to Troy Tulowitzki, who guns him out with a strong overhand throw. That prompts Wayne to give us the following analysis:
Now, I'm not the biggest Mets fan on the entire planet, but I follow the team pretty closely and am reasonably knowledgeable about the players, and I can tell you I have no memory of the Mets tinkering with Jose Reyes's throwing motion, or of Reyes ever having come down with an arm injury.
The Mets did once try to alter Reyes's running style, tinkering with his stride, because he was having ankle and hamstring problems, but the new style ended up giving him leg cramps, so they eventually let him go back to his usual running style. And they did once try to make him a second baseman, which was a fiasco. But a change in his throwing motion, with a resultant shoulder injury? That was news to me.
But hey, maybe I was just having brain-lock, right? So I started googling, trying to find any evidence of this throwing episode. Nothing. Then I checked with a bunch of serious Mets fans and bloggers to get their take -- none of them had ever heard of this supposed shoulder injury.
Finally, I checked with someone who I won't embarrass by naming him here, but let's just say he's one of the top living authorities on Mets history and goings-on. His response: "My recollection is exactly the same as yours."
So did Wayne just make this up? Maybe, although I think it's more likely that he's confusing the altered running style and the leg cramps with an altered throwing motion that was never taught and an injury that never happened.
Hey, arms, legs -- they're all limbs, right? What's the diff?
And so let the full-throated call echo once more throughout the land: Fire Wayne Hagin already!
Honestly, I wasn't planning on firing up this blog again, not even after the Wayner opened his first 2011 spring training broadcast by saying the Mets had just had "a tremendous off-season." I figured I had made my point last year and was just gonna let Wayne be his incompetent self without drawing any further attention to his many, many faults.
But just when I thought I was out, Wayne pulls me back in. Such was the case last night.
The scene: Bottom of the 7th, Josh Thole batting. He grounds out to Troy Tulowitzki, who guns him out with a strong overhand throw. That prompts Wayne to give us the following analysis:
That's the difference between a Jose Reyes and a Troy Tulowitzki -- Tulowitzki comes right over the top. Now, the Mets very early in Jose Reyes's career tried to alter his throwing style, because he's such a natural, coming from the Dominican Republic, and that's how he learned, is to throw kinda three-quarter, almost sidearm at times. And, quite frankly [pregnant pause], he hurt his arm. His shoulder. And the Mets said, "Just do it any way you want." And that's what Reyes does.
Now, I'm not the biggest Mets fan on the entire planet, but I follow the team pretty closely and am reasonably knowledgeable about the players, and I can tell you I have no memory of the Mets tinkering with Jose Reyes's throwing motion, or of Reyes ever having come down with an arm injury.
The Mets did once try to alter Reyes's running style, tinkering with his stride, because he was having ankle and hamstring problems, but the new style ended up giving him leg cramps, so they eventually let him go back to his usual running style. And they did once try to make him a second baseman, which was a fiasco. But a change in his throwing motion, with a resultant shoulder injury? That was news to me.
But hey, maybe I was just having brain-lock, right? So I started googling, trying to find any evidence of this throwing episode. Nothing. Then I checked with a bunch of serious Mets fans and bloggers to get their take -- none of them had ever heard of this supposed shoulder injury.
Finally, I checked with someone who I won't embarrass by naming him here, but let's just say he's one of the top living authorities on Mets history and goings-on. His response: "My recollection is exactly the same as yours."
So did Wayne just make this up? Maybe, although I think it's more likely that he's confusing the altered running style and the leg cramps with an altered throwing motion that was never taught and an injury that never happened.
Hey, arms, legs -- they're all limbs, right? What's the diff?
And so let the full-throated call echo once more throughout the land: Fire Wayne Hagin already!
Friday, August 20, 2010
August 20th: Mets vs. Pirates
Hagin has said many, many inane things in this game, but he just let loose with a certified Wayne's Whopper™ during the top of the 4th: After a brief mention of A.J. Burnett, he said (with his usual air of faux-gravitas), "And when the Yankees signed Burnett, that's about the same time the Mets signed R.A. Dickey."
The point he was making, of course -- although he didn't actually get around to explaining it -- is that Dickey, who has a very low salary, has arguably been a better pitcher this season than Burnett, who has a very high salary. It's a little bit of an apples/oranges thing, because Dickey didn't join the Mets' big league roster until May 19, but the basic point is clear enough: Sometimes a low-paid, unknown pitcher can be better than a high-priced, flashy pitcher.
Just one problem:
• Date that Burnett signed with the Yanks: Dec. 18, 2008.
• Date that Dickey signed with the Mets: Jan 5, 2010.
Well, he was only off by a whole year -- not bad by Wayner standards. Fire Wayne Hagin already!
The point he was making, of course -- although he didn't actually get around to explaining it -- is that Dickey, who has a very low salary, has arguably been a better pitcher this season than Burnett, who has a very high salary. It's a little bit of an apples/oranges thing, because Dickey didn't join the Mets' big league roster until May 19, but the basic point is clear enough: Sometimes a low-paid, unknown pitcher can be better than a high-priced, flashy pitcher.
Just one problem:
• Date that Burnett signed with the Yanks: Dec. 18, 2008.
• Date that Dickey signed with the Mets: Jan 5, 2010.
Well, he was only off by a whole year -- not bad by Wayner standards. Fire Wayne Hagin already!
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
August 17th: Mets vs. Astros
Sorry for the lengthy silence, but I've been out of Wayne-range lately. Did manage to catch a snippet of tonight's game, though, which was enough for some primo Haginicity. It happened when Johan Santana struck out Brett Wallace on a changeup, prompting the Wayner to breathlessly exclaim, "That's the best changeup he's thrown all night!"
Sounds straightforward enough -- until you realize this was taking place in the 1st inning.
Pathetic, as usual. Fire Wayne Hagin already!
Sounds straightforward enough -- until you realize this was taking place in the 1st inning.
Pathetic, as usual. Fire Wayne Hagin already!
Thursday, August 12, 2010
August 11th: Rockies vs. Mets
So I'm out on my bike last night, listening to the game on my bike radio (yes, I have a bike radio). With one out in the top of the 2nd, Howie Rose says, "Phil Cuzzi, the home plate ump, has a rather thimble-sized strike zone early on in this game." To which Hagin replies, "A lot different than Ed Rapuano last night." Simple enough -- no problem there.
Now skip ahead to the bottom of the 2nd, one out, Luis Castillo up. It's a half-inning and about 10 minutes later. Here's the sequence that almost made me crash my bike:
So you can see what happened here. The Wayner was still referring to the previous night's game, even though he didn't say so. And he was still referring to Rapuano, even though he didn't mention him by name. Instead he just referred to him as "he," and chalked it up to a "case in point." But when 10 minutes have gone by, that's NOT a case in point -- it's a total fucking non-sequitur.
This guy is such a waste of space. The team is a laughingstock, the season is in shambles, and on top of it all I have to listen to Amateur Hour on the radio every goddamn game. Couldn't the guy at least have the courtesy to come down with laryngitis or something? Fire Wayne Hagin already!
Now skip ahead to the bottom of the 2nd, one out, Luis Castillo up. It's a half-inning and about 10 minutes later. Here's the sequence that almost made me crash my bike:
Rose: Pitch is taken inside. [Chuckles.] Phil Cuzzi's not giving these starting pitchers any help at all, is he?
Hagin: No. Not one bit. And it's gonna be an offensive-minded game if it continues.
Rose: 2-1 pitch -- fastball, high.
Hagin: Case in point was the Brad Hawpe last at-bat of the game. Remember the 3-1 pitch, a big curveball? And he called it a strike.
So you can see what happened here. The Wayner was still referring to the previous night's game, even though he didn't say so. And he was still referring to Rapuano, even though he didn't mention him by name. Instead he just referred to him as "he," and chalked it up to a "case in point." But when 10 minutes have gone by, that's NOT a case in point -- it's a total fucking non-sequitur.
This guy is such a waste of space. The team is a laughingstock, the season is in shambles, and on top of it all I have to listen to Amateur Hour on the radio every goddamn game. Couldn't the guy at least have the courtesy to come down with laryngitis or something? Fire Wayne Hagin already!
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
August 10th: Rockies vs. Mets
Even when I don't listen to him -- even when I can't listen to him -- Wayne haunts me. It happened at last night's Mets/Rockies game, which I attended along with Phil Hecken and Dan Cichalski.
First let's set the scene: One of the many little gimmicks at the ballpark is this promotion where they slowly reveal a name or phrase on the jumbotron one letter at a time, Wheel of Fortune-style. The first person who can figure out the answer and text it to some predetermined number wins, I dunno, a roll of Mets toilet paper or something.
So last night's secret name/phrase was two words, both five letters long. As they began revealing the letters, it quickly looked like this:
W _ _ _ _
H _ _ _ N
"Wayne Hagin!" yelled Dan. And sure enough, that turned out to be the answer. We all laughed for a second and then, realizing that the moment needed to be documented for posterity, began fumbling for our cameras. Alas, the scoreboard changed to something else before any of us could snap a photo.
I'm not sure who runs that texting promotion, but just in case that person is reading this, here's an idea for a phrase to use at tonight's game:
_ _ R _
W _ _ _ _
H _ _ _ N
_ L _ _ _ D _ !
Hell, why not use it for every remaining game this season? Fire Wayne Hagin already!
First let's set the scene: One of the many little gimmicks at the ballpark is this promotion where they slowly reveal a name or phrase on the jumbotron one letter at a time, Wheel of Fortune-style. The first person who can figure out the answer and text it to some predetermined number wins, I dunno, a roll of Mets toilet paper or something.
So last night's secret name/phrase was two words, both five letters long. As they began revealing the letters, it quickly looked like this:
W _ _ _ _
H _ _ _ N
"Wayne Hagin!" yelled Dan. And sure enough, that turned out to be the answer. We all laughed for a second and then, realizing that the moment needed to be documented for posterity, began fumbling for our cameras. Alas, the scoreboard changed to something else before any of us could snap a photo.
I'm not sure who runs that texting promotion, but just in case that person is reading this, here's an idea for a phrase to use at tonight's game:
_ _ R _
W _ _ _ _
H _ _ _ N
_ L _ _ _ D _ !
Hell, why not use it for every remaining game this season? Fire Wayne Hagin already!
Monday, August 9, 2010
August 9th: A Picture's Worth 1000 Words (or maybe 30,000 of Wayner's)
"I blame YOU for sucking away whatever little joy was left in Mets broadcasts," says Phil Hecken, who produced the (fictional, alas) images you see above. "Now I'm constantly focusing on how awful Hagin is. I always thought he sucked, but I never realized HOW MUCH he did until you pointed it out." Welcome to my world, Phil.
Phil also reports that Wayne had a choice tidbit during Sunday's Mets/Phils game. "They were talking about how the Rays, who'd already been no-hit twice this year, were having another no-no tossed at them. And out of nowhwere, Wayne says, 'If the Rays get no-hit today, they're going to have to go back to being called the Devil Rays.' No explanation as to WHY they might have to do that. Howie didn't touch it."
In Wayne's world, being no-hit = bad, and the devil = bad, so those two things are, y'know, synonymous. Hey, it's self-explanatory!
In the words of Bugs Bunny, what a maroon. Fire Wayne Hagin already!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)