September 6: Mets vs. Marlins

One of the most annoying habits Wayne's developed lately (or maybe he's had it all along and I only started noticing about two months ago) is the tendency to describe every non-fastball pitch as "little." For example:

• "That's that little cutter he throws."

• "He likes to drop that little curveball in there."

• "He's got that little change-up that really fools people."

• "The scoreboard says it was a cutter, but I think it was that little slider of his."

And so on. He never describes a fastball as little, and thankfully he doesn't describe R.A. Dickey's knuckleball that way either. But any other pitch -- it's little this, little that, always said with an air of mischief, sort of like describing a pitcher as "a crafty lefty." In other words, it's a rhetorical crutch that doesn't really mean anything, especially when Wayne employs it literally dozens of times during a single game.

Anyway, tonight the use of "little" reached new heights, or depths, as the Marlins brought a pitcher named Steve Cishek into the game. Cishek has a sidearm motion, so Wayne was probably going to end up saying something like, "There's that little sidearm motion of his," or "He's got that little submarine pitch." But Wayne was bursting with so much enthusiasm that he couldn't wait that long! As Cishek was warming up, Wayne described him as "a little submariner."

For the record: Steve Cishek is 6'5".

Just another day at the office for MLB's least qualified broadcaster. Fire Wayne Hagin already!