Wednesday, September 7, 2011

September 6: Mets vs. Marlins

One of the most annoying habits Wayne's developed lately (or maybe he's had it all along and I only started noticing about two months ago) is the tendency to describe every non-fastball pitch as "little." For example:

• "That's that little cutter he throws."

• "He likes to drop that little curveball in there."

• "He's got that little change-up that really fools people."

• "The scoreboard says it was a cutter, but I think it was that little slider of his."

And so on. He never describes a fastball as little, and thankfully he doesn't describe R.A. Dickey's knuckleball that way either. But any other pitch -- it's little this, little that, always said with an air of mischief, sort of like describing a pitcher as "a crafty lefty." In other words, it's a rhetorical crutch that doesn't really mean anything, especially when Wayne employs it literally dozens of times during a single game.

Anyway, tonight the use of "little" reached new heights, or depths, as the Marlins brought a pitcher named Steve Cishek into the game. Cishek has a sidearm motion, so Wayne was probably going to end up saying something like, "There's that little sidearm motion of his," or "He's got that little submarine pitch." But Wayne was bursting with so much enthusiasm that he couldn't wait that long! As Cishek was warming up, Wayne described him as "a little submariner."

For the record: Steve Cishek is 6'5".

Just another day at the office for MLB's least qualified broadcaster. Fire Wayne Hagin already!


  1. First at bat of the game Reyes struck out. And Wayne says, "Reyes strikes out to end the game"...

  2. How does Wayne Hagin keep trading up? He was awful when they hired him to follow Jack Buck, and thankfully the Cardinals ditched him then in favor of Rooney. Now he's made it to New York?

  3. I don't know -- I don't think Hagin's all that good, but he's hardly the least-qualified announcer in the game. He's not even the least qualified announcer in New York, unless John Sterling, Suzyn Waldman and Michael Kay have all been summarily fired and nobody told me.

    He's not even the worst announcer the Mets have ever had. That honor will always belong to one Francis Xavier Healy.