First, let's give some credit where it's due. I didn't hear any of Friday's or Saturday's games, but I caught a few innings of Sunday's game in the car and all of last night's game at home, and it has to be said: The Wayner has been a bit better. No, he hasn't worked his way up to listenable status yet, but he's been a bit less annoyingly pompous, not quite as over-emphatic, a smidge more restrained. Perhaps he's been reading this site and taking its analysis to heart? Always nice to have a regular reader. Hi, Wayne!
Still, last night did feature a few whoppers, beginning with this one from the top of the 1st: "Let's face it, Angel Pagan has been this team's first-half MVP" -- an assessment that would no doubt come as a news flash to David Wright (or to anyone else with half a clue). And as he's done on other occasions, Hagin also referred to third base as "a reactionary position." Earth to Wayner: Reactionary refers to anti-progressive politics. The word you're looking for is reactive.
Later, Hagin indulged his odd obsession with an utterly meaningless phenomenon: a team hitting for the cycle in one inning. He always mentions this when a team is one hit away from achieving it, including last night during the bottom of the 6th, after the D-Backs had hit a single, double, and triple. Sure enough, Mark Reynolds promptly homered, leading Hagin to proclaim, with enormous satisfaction, "…and the Diamondbacks have hit for the cycle this inning against Fernando Nieve!" The tone in Hagin's voice always implies, "I'm the only one who ever thought of that!," and for once he was right.
But the best moment came during one of Rod Barajas's at-bats, when Hagin said, with characteristic faux-gravitas, "If [Ian] Kennedy makes a mistake here, Barajas could make him pay with a home run." Statements don't get much more pointless than this, since any hitter could (or could not) make any pitcher pay for a mistake. On the very next pitch, Barajas hit a long fly that was foul, leading Howie Rose to quip, "You keep saying that often enough and you might get lucky." Nicely put, Howie. Fire Wayne Hagin already!